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Monday, June 20, 2011

So now what?

So now it's June and I've spent some time thinking about how I can get back on track.
I've been out to eat and just had steamed vegetables after my Jenny meal; I haven't gained again in the last few weeks. I'm at a total loss of 21.7kg and let's face it, I'm pretty happy with that.

But...

I'm struggling.

I have the worst food habits, combined with no exercise habits, and I can't help myself.

All the good influences in the world; friends, my JC girls, 'the boy'...

Everybody wants to help me and I can't help myself.
My motivation was gone, and then it was back when I fit back into my work pants which I couldn't wear for about 2 years.
I also got a new pair of jeans which were 2 sizes smaller (3, if you think about the fact that I was wearing the biggest size and they barely fit) but now after a weekend of being 'naughty' and a struggle upcoming this week with a work course held at a venue where I can't heat up my food, I don't know what I'm going to do.
I want those jeans to get too big, not too small, but I can't seem to get my head back in the right space.

I need some inspiration.

What April Did In May: Part 3

I could keep going and tell you all about what I did in May.
I could tell you every last detail about all the time I spent getting to know this amazing boy.

But you want to know if these cracks got bigger.
Let me tell you.
They did.

I went to spend a weekend in Melbourne with 'the boy'; it was very special and I was beyond delighted to be there.

A beautiful hotel, beautiful city, and all that jazz - who wouldn't order 4am room service and go out to cocktails the next afternoon?
Who wouldn't eat whatever their heart desired because it was so much easier than trying hard to be good?

So, weigh-in time rolled around and even after the promises I'd made to Kim I had to go and admit what I'd done.

I stepped onto the scales, Stef and Kim watching and seeing what the numbers read.

I felt certain I had gained, and I was tense all over.

Kim looked at my record, then at me, and her smile faded.

"Well, I'm sorry April, but you've just had your first gain."

To say I was upset was an understatement.

Tears ran down my face as I walked quickly back into Kim's office.

I hid my head and cried, while Stef patted me and Kim looked at me with a grim face.

We talked about what I'd just felt, and how that should help me be motivated.

I'd gone back past the 20kg loss mark and I was devastated.

With promises to be perfect the next week I left and went home, feeling like I had failed miserably.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

What April Did In May: Part 2

So...

Now we can talk about what happened in the next part of May.

Date #3: Raw fish and wine.

What's to say? Lovely night, other than the raw fish (ewww!) which was topped off with a few cocktails and a cab ride home.

Saturday night I was the designated driver (sometimes, you just have to) and Sunday was a lazy lovely day drinking more cocktails and eating what was almost a very healthy brunch. The fact that our Sunday sleep-in had us eating for the first time that day at 3pm meant that I was powerless to resist the few chips from beside my very healthy burger (4 meat, 3 grain, 3 vegetable and 2 fat!).

The cracks were starting to show.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

What April Did In May: Part 1

So as I said the other day, I've met Mr Dream Man.

This happened just before the wedding - where I wore THE dress - and we went on our first date the following week.

As an aside, yes I will be posting a picture of me at the wedding but due to my overwhelming sens of "duhhhh" I did not actually get a full-length picture of myself. I know, I know.

So anyway, I went on #1 amazing date with this boy - and #2, and #3 - all of which involved some rather, well, non-JC type behaviour.

Date #1: Cocktails, beautiful Mediterranean dinner, more champagne; as IF I was going to say no.
I'd never eaten Mediterranean either, so my natural curiosity had me intrigued.
Combined with the fact that I was completely mesmerised by him, and the absolute thrill of that first date, all of this did somewhat detract from what might have been an otherwise very focussed week of food.

Date #2: Dinner at the Dendy - again, a first and so an experience I was looking to enjoy.

Don't get me wrong, both times I was very conscious of what I was eating and although I did find myself imbibing far more than what JC would allow of fantastic drinks, I was fairly confident for a loss.

Weigh-in night was Thursday.
I went in to tell the girls all about my week - of course, leaving them grinning at my stories of amazing dates (justifying my total lack of regard for alcohol limits with my "but I had a very good dinner!").

I had a loss, of a MASSIVE 3.3kg, which had me feeling falsely confident.
Ha! I though. The wunderkind returns! Mo√ęt be damned! I can get tipsy and eat good food without worrying too much! Huzzah!

Photobucket

Ahem.

Focus.

Stop.

April - you are NOT a wunderkind.
You are a very silly girl.
What I failed to see was that the loss came out in SPITE of what beahviour I had been displaying; my hard work in the previous weeks combined with a very modest intake of champagne at the wedding had given me a head start.

I would not be realistic.
I was caught up in the marvel of meeting someone wonderful.
I was not paying attention.

I guess we could make like a pen - and recap...?

The only way I can explain everything that's happened in the last few weeks is to go over it from the beginning.

So, join me now, won't you? On a flashback into the dreamy world of "What April Did In May".

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Oops .. I Did It Again

Uh-oh...

May 4 was my last post.

I knew I hadn't posted in a while - but a month?
Talk about time flying.

What can I say? I think the only thing I can really tell you is that although you have missed out on the wonder that is this blog (yeah, ok, wonder may not necessarily be the right word but I'm going to go with it), it has been only for the very best reason.

Love.

Remember I said I wanted to meet Mr Dream Man?

*giggles*

I did.

I won't go into too much detail, I won't tell you he's the most amazing man on earth, I won't even say that I'm the happiest I've ever been.

I'll just say that I've missed blogging a little bit, and I will be updating you a little more on everything that's been happening.
I have a weigh-in tomorrow and I have, as you might have guessed by my lack of blog, fallen off the wagon a little.
As of tomorrow I am back on, baby! I will be dedicated and I will NOT be distracted.

Wish me luck - or at least, trust me when I say I will be doing my damnedest to meet my goal of 30kg down by 30th June!