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Thursday, August 11, 2011

Tricks and treats

So.

Remember how I didn't gain any weight after being a fatty fat-pants?

Hmmmm.

Yep.

I more than made up for my efforts.

This week is a record HIGH on the fat scale - I gained 2.8kg! I not only gained back what I lost bu a bit more again.

You can imagine I'm feeling super about this right now - not.

I'm consoling myself with the fact that I have a fantastic couple of weeks coming up - the new job starts after a week of finishing the course I started all those months ago, there's a ball in Sydney to go to with my wonderful man and best of all it'll be Spring soon and I'll be able to start walking in my lovely leafy neighbourhood.

So I'm not going to keep blogging on about how fat I am, but I will tell you this - the man has agreed to spend the week eating JC meals with me.

So 3kg loss, here I come!

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Colour me surprised!

Alright, so to be brutally honest, I had a fat weekend.


In fact, I had a fat week.


I managed to be Jenny-riffic for breakfast and lunchtime, but only managed one night of dinner.
Mainly this is to do with the fact that I discovered I can actually put together a not totally inedible meal - and also because I got really stupidly lazy.
I just didn't care - we were away for the weekend and in a way I had left my motivation at home.
By the time Saturday afternoon rolled around, I'd eaten my way through a number of things that I really shouldn't have (and they tasted GREAT!)


Sometimes (ladies, support me here) you just can't - can't - stop yourself from eating what looks really good. There are just certain times, ah, of the month, that make that totally impossible.
Combine that with a lack of willpower to be good and no motivation as I was feeling quite good about how I looked, and there was no chance you could have convinced me to be food-conscious.
Keeping in mind, I am now part of a domestically blissful home where I can live out my Betty Crocker dreams and be, in general, a bit of a kitchen queen, it's all the more difficult to be enthusiastic about the food that I've got frozen in the freezer.


No offence intended - we all know I LOVE JC! and also love the food - but seriously, Cajun spiced chicken with leafy Mediterranean salad? You'd want to eat it too.


I suppose I should also tell you I recently rediscovered a skirt I bought for work - when it arrived it didn't fit; even if I tried to pull it up from the bottom or down over my head, it would not go on.
No way, no how.


So when I tried this skirt on, late Tuesday afternoon, I found myself being pleasantly surprised at how it slipped on and zipped up OVER my pants.


It's almost too big!
Oh joy, oh rapture!


Clothes that are too big!


Nothing in the world can make me feel as good as fast as trying something on and it not fitting because it's too big!


You wanna see?




AprilJC-1.jpg

So ... not to be up myself - but I look good!

Right?

I should.


After my fat week - I lost 2kg.

2.
Kg.

Two.

I couldn't believe it.

Steph couldn't either.

So this means I can just keep hammering through the bad food right?


WRONG!

I have 3 weeks to get to my goal - 30kg by 1st Sept - and by God, I will do it.

So no more badness (or at least, much less).

I need something to keep me motivated - tomorrow's Friday; I'm bound to figure it out by the weekend.

Friday, July 29, 2011

Well ... What Can I Say?

So it's been a reeeeealllly long time since I blogged.

A ridiculously long time.

I can't catch you up on everything that's happened - it's just so much.
I can only summarise.

- moved house
- moved in with the Dream Boy
- started the management course I've been wanting to do for 2.5 years
- realised the management course wasn't actually right for me
- took a new job working for the same company
- finish my old job in three weeks

Current weight loss to date: 24kg.

I have discovered since the recent co-habitation that I enjoy being domesticated.

Ask anybody who knows me and they will tell you this is a lie.

Well, people - be surprised.

I have a new favourite book.

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So now I've agreed with Steph that I'm allowed to make two JC-friendly meals a week to sate my need to impersonate Nigella Lawson.

Let's see how this goes, shall we?

By the way - I am going to be blogging more often - but no promises, ok?





I'm busy being in love.

Monday, June 20, 2011

So now what?

So now it's June and I've spent some time thinking about how I can get back on track.
I've been out to eat and just had steamed vegetables after my Jenny meal; I haven't gained again in the last few weeks. I'm at a total loss of 21.7kg and let's face it, I'm pretty happy with that.

But...

I'm struggling.

I have the worst food habits, combined with no exercise habits, and I can't help myself.

All the good influences in the world; friends, my JC girls, 'the boy'...

Everybody wants to help me and I can't help myself.
My motivation was gone, and then it was back when I fit back into my work pants which I couldn't wear for about 2 years.
I also got a new pair of jeans which were 2 sizes smaller (3, if you think about the fact that I was wearing the biggest size and they barely fit) but now after a weekend of being 'naughty' and a struggle upcoming this week with a work course held at a venue where I can't heat up my food, I don't know what I'm going to do.
I want those jeans to get too big, not too small, but I can't seem to get my head back in the right space.

I need some inspiration.

What April Did In May: Part 3

I could keep going and tell you all about what I did in May.
I could tell you every last detail about all the time I spent getting to know this amazing boy.

But you want to know if these cracks got bigger.
Let me tell you.
They did.

I went to spend a weekend in Melbourne with 'the boy'; it was very special and I was beyond delighted to be there.

A beautiful hotel, beautiful city, and all that jazz - who wouldn't order 4am room service and go out to cocktails the next afternoon?
Who wouldn't eat whatever their heart desired because it was so much easier than trying hard to be good?

So, weigh-in time rolled around and even after the promises I'd made to Kim I had to go and admit what I'd done.

I stepped onto the scales, Stef and Kim watching and seeing what the numbers read.

I felt certain I had gained, and I was tense all over.

Kim looked at my record, then at me, and her smile faded.

"Well, I'm sorry April, but you've just had your first gain."

To say I was upset was an understatement.

Tears ran down my face as I walked quickly back into Kim's office.

I hid my head and cried, while Stef patted me and Kim looked at me with a grim face.

We talked about what I'd just felt, and how that should help me be motivated.

I'd gone back past the 20kg loss mark and I was devastated.

With promises to be perfect the next week I left and went home, feeling like I had failed miserably.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

What April Did In May: Part 2

So...

Now we can talk about what happened in the next part of May.

Date #3: Raw fish and wine.

What's to say? Lovely night, other than the raw fish (ewww!) which was topped off with a few cocktails and a cab ride home.

Saturday night I was the designated driver (sometimes, you just have to) and Sunday was a lazy lovely day drinking more cocktails and eating what was almost a very healthy brunch. The fact that our Sunday sleep-in had us eating for the first time that day at 3pm meant that I was powerless to resist the few chips from beside my very healthy burger (4 meat, 3 grain, 3 vegetable and 2 fat!).

The cracks were starting to show.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

What April Did In May: Part 1

So as I said the other day, I've met Mr Dream Man.

This happened just before the wedding - where I wore THE dress - and we went on our first date the following week.

As an aside, yes I will be posting a picture of me at the wedding but due to my overwhelming sens of "duhhhh" I did not actually get a full-length picture of myself. I know, I know.

So anyway, I went on #1 amazing date with this boy - and #2, and #3 - all of which involved some rather, well, non-JC type behaviour.

Date #1: Cocktails, beautiful Mediterranean dinner, more champagne; as IF I was going to say no.
I'd never eaten Mediterranean either, so my natural curiosity had me intrigued.
Combined with the fact that I was completely mesmerised by him, and the absolute thrill of that first date, all of this did somewhat detract from what might have been an otherwise very focussed week of food.

Date #2: Dinner at the Dendy - again, a first and so an experience I was looking to enjoy.

Don't get me wrong, both times I was very conscious of what I was eating and although I did find myself imbibing far more than what JC would allow of fantastic drinks, I was fairly confident for a loss.

Weigh-in night was Thursday.
I went in to tell the girls all about my week - of course, leaving them grinning at my stories of amazing dates (justifying my total lack of regard for alcohol limits with my "but I had a very good dinner!").

I had a loss, of a MASSIVE 3.3kg, which had me feeling falsely confident.
Ha! I though. The wunderkind returns! Moët be damned! I can get tipsy and eat good food without worrying too much! Huzzah!

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Ahem.

Focus.

Stop.

April - you are NOT a wunderkind.
You are a very silly girl.
What I failed to see was that the loss came out in SPITE of what beahviour I had been displaying; my hard work in the previous weeks combined with a very modest intake of champagne at the wedding had given me a head start.

I would not be realistic.
I was caught up in the marvel of meeting someone wonderful.
I was not paying attention.

I guess we could make like a pen - and recap...?

The only way I can explain everything that's happened in the last few weeks is to go over it from the beginning.

So, join me now, won't you? On a flashback into the dreamy world of "What April Did In May".

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Oops .. I Did It Again

Uh-oh...

May 4 was my last post.

I knew I hadn't posted in a while - but a month?
Talk about time flying.

What can I say? I think the only thing I can really tell you is that although you have missed out on the wonder that is this blog (yeah, ok, wonder may not necessarily be the right word but I'm going to go with it), it has been only for the very best reason.

Love.

Remember I said I wanted to meet Mr Dream Man?

*giggles*

I did.

I won't go into too much detail, I won't tell you he's the most amazing man on earth, I won't even say that I'm the happiest I've ever been.

I'll just say that I've missed blogging a little bit, and I will be updating you a little more on everything that's been happening.
I have a weigh-in tomorrow and I have, as you might have guessed by my lack of blog, fallen off the wagon a little.
As of tomorrow I am back on, baby! I will be dedicated and I will NOT be distracted.

Wish me luck - or at least, trust me when I say I will be doing my damnedest to meet my goal of 30kg down by 30th June!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

If the dress or the necklace fits...

So - I tried on the dress.

IT FITS PERFECTLY!

I mean, you could even say it's a little loose - but in a good way.
It looks awesome and now I'm ridiculously excited about it.

I also thought I'd try on a necklace that still had the tag on it from 2 Christmases/birthdays ago.
Jess bought it for me and I couldn't wear it because - you guessed it - my neck was a little too ... uh .... round.

So I thought, 'Hey, why not try it on. If it still doesn't fit, well, it will.'

So guess what?

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Please ignore the face, just look at my neck.

The Final Countdown

*trumpets*


I guess I have to start with a quick apology - I had promised you a double serving of JC-riffic blog post and failed to deliver.
Maybe if you're willing to forgive me, we can work through this together.

Last we spoke, I was getting ready to weigh in and also telling everyone about my exciting plans to go to see Amy Meredith in concert as a reward for cracking the 10kg mark.
I previously told you about the wedding that I am attending - I may have mentioned my goal to get to a 15kg loss by then ...

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Last week (yes, when I was supposed to blog twice and I didn't, stop harping on it!) I went to see Kim and Brooke (Stef's away, but that doesn't mean I miss out) and got to check how far I'd come.
Let me be honest and say that a loss of 900g was nothing if not totally disappointing.

Of course I attribute this lack of performance to my somewhat overzealous drinking binge, and little to no excercise.

I was pretty depressed about not even managing a kilo and didn't feel the need to blog about such a pathetic effort (so there's your reason).


So now we're in the week of the wedding and I have to say I am looking forward to seeing all of my friends and slipping into the infamous dress.
I also feel pretty nervous/excited about the idea of having a day and a half off JC food - this will be a true test of the new food principles I have been learning.


This has been a very exciting week for me, with an opportunity to be interviewed for the management course for my work - the preparation and accompanying stress may have been a factor in my loss this week!
Before JC I might have thought about rewarding myself with a dinner or some kind of sweet treat after all my hard work; now I know that food isn't something I can use that way. Like a junkie or a mad sparkly vampire, bad food is my personal brand of heroin and I need to just stay away.

I had my friend Tara with me last night when I went for my visit to see Brooke.
She waited for me and I think she knew I was nervous about it, though I was hoping that my booze-free week and and the couple of times I excercised had paid off.
I was also preoccupied with the fact that I would have to be working out how I was going to manage my day out of the program.

I hadn't been doing the excercise I should have and again made a plan to improve my activity. We worked out when I'd be going to the wedding and what food I wouldn't need and then the scales were ready.
I waited for Brooke to tell me, with baited breath, and was thrilled to hear the answer; 2.1kg!
I had only missed the 15kg mark by 200g and made a massive comeback from my absolutely abominable outcome from the week before.
I may have lost the 200g by now, anything could happen, so I'm working on the theory that by Friday I will have reached my goal.

Photobucket

I'm so proud and looking forward to showing the girls who I saw during my second week the amazing changes I've already made.

I hope the food is good - it'll be hard to compare to JC!

I'll be blogging on again to let you know how I go, so please trust me when I say that I will be back!

Wish me luck!


Photobucket

Proof that great minds think alike!
Tara's vegie lasagne on the left and my JC lasagne on the right.

Unplanned brilliance!

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

I could be a Pornstar ...

Really?
An extra blog post?

All for me?!

That's right, you lucky SOB's, a double helping of JC goodness this week (all low-fat, low-sugar and gluten free so you can have twice as much!).

I wanted to give you guys a special Easter reward, seeing as you've all been off work for 5 days and had nothing to read.

So, where to start?
Good Friday (it wasn't too bad) - a lovely lunch with the ladies and conveniently Jenny had somehow managed to give me tuna pasta bake for lunch. Too bad she didn't think about the corned beef in the fried rice at teat time! Ah well, she did what she could.
I travelled with my mum to my cousin's place interstate and spent a lovely night watching amazing birthday cupcakes with butter cream icing in the shape of jungle animals being created - mmmm... butter cream.

The following day was the party of twin 3-year-olds; my family and some close friends got together and had a lovely lunch and let me tell you the cakes were AH-mazing!
Apparently.. of course, I didn't eat one!

Easter Sunday and there was the possibility of many a chocolate egg.
My cousin had a Creme Egg for breakfast - I had toast and an apple.
To be fair, I didn't really feel too bothered by not having any Easter Eggs; I have had one piece of chocolate since I started JC and to be honest I didn't overly enjoy it.

I caught up with a friend I hadn't seen for years before going back to the country city - a fantastic chance to see that even when you might be changing your whole life some things stay just the same, like the laughs and friends who stay with you whether they're near or far.

It was only when arriving at my next stop I realised I had left my dinner in the freezer at my cousin's house - 1.5hrs away.
Not exactly going to drive back for it, was I?

So the old 4 meat, 3 veg, 3 grain, 2 fat rule came out to play - and boy I tell you it was awesome! Not as good as my frozen Beef Casserole would have been but you know, you gotta do what you gotta do.

So after all this I was thinking to myself, "What am I going to do to treat myself after my hard work getting to 10kg?"

It came to me quite easily - a ticket to see Amy Meredith, who are playing in my local area soon and who blew me away when I saw them at Big Day Out (another event I can't wait to attend in minimal clothing as per the status quo)!

In case you don't know who I mean - http://www.amymeredith.com.au/

That's right; I'd achieved something big and I was going to get myself some Higher Education.

After my return to the city (the real one, none of this country city business) I went to spend some much overdue time with The JC - my Jessica and her family.
One moment of the night which felt a little special was when I went home to get my dinner - I offered to go and pick up the pizzas for the rest of the hungry people I was with.
I may not have mentioned that last week I had an epic struggle with my willpower; I spent almost an entire day fantasising about pepperoni pizza (and I mean literally thinking about eating it for HOURS) and although I didn't break and eat any (all I had to do was think about how I would feel mentally and physically afterwards) I did find the aroma of it wafting from the hot pizza boxes as I carried them to my car a bit more than tempting.

Think Sylvester and Tweety; my body carried along a foot above the ground with my nose pointing me in the direction of the forbidden deliciousness.
As I got into the car, the smell was so good - until I saw the car parked next to me with 'JC' numberplates.
Talk about a reality check - Jenny, you are GOOD!

Now I was not going to give in, or even think about it.

I did perhaps indulge in a few alcoholic drinks; but I had a great night (and let me tell you something, I don't say that about just any old time) which ended late and with a little of a sore head (don't tell Stef I was drinking, she'll kill me!) followed by a date this morning.

The date - well, it was as good as it could be considering my perhaps slightly hungover state - but more importantly I didn't eat any hangover food, I came home and had my required menu items and although I may have also taken a little nap in between lunch and this post I think I did ok.

So there you have it, people; on a weekend where one JC died and rose again, another showed her omnipotent powers and the other drank with me until we were almost dead, I showed that no matter what the occasion, you can eat, pray or love and still not need to eat chocolate.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

But you can call me "Skinny"...

Again, I've neglected my loyal followers.
What kind of person am I?
A terrible one.

You'll be wanting an update - so I'll backtrack.
Last week, I was disappointed to find I had lost only 1.4kg - I know, I know, not at all something to be disappointed about.
But... I was.
I felt I had somehow failed, that as the apparent wunderkind of weightloss, of willpower, of sheer wonder - I had failed.
The "winner" who lost 2.5kg at the drop of a hat?
I was no longer she.

However - when put into perspective, I also realised I had reached a milestone.
I had cracked the 10kg mark!

And I looked like this..

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So it wasn't all bad, after all.

Stef asked me what was going to motivate me this week - I told her that I was going to a friend's wedding and had a dress in mind.
She asked if I had the dress at home and I had to confess I had left it at my friend's house.
After her puzzled look I explained that I had tried the dress on for a night out last February and could not comfortably stand, let alone sit in the dress, and so I had abandoned it as a lost cause and not bothered to get it back.
I was planning to try the dress on over the weekend and see if my loss had made a difference to the fit of my gown.

I went on the Saturday to see my friends and told them what I planned to do.
The dress was brought out like the clothes of a princess and laid out before me.
The glowing anticipation in the eyes of my onlooking friends was enough to get me out of what I was in and into the black satin.

It slipped on without too much hassle - so I decided to put it to the test.

I went to the kitchen - and I sat down.
Then I stood up.

Perhaps it was a fluke?

I thought for a second, giggled to myself, and then sat down again.

Victory!

I was in the dress and I was sitting down - I was the BOMB!

After that, not much could stop me from feeling happy.

Maybe the idea of breakfast beans (I must admit, this is the only thing I have to say that isn't exactly positive about JC Food) - which to be honest I would rather starve than eat.

Maybe that's not quite true.
I did eat them.
Cold.
Out of the tin.

Spicy, cold tomato sauce with cold lentils in it.

Mmm-mmm.
Yep.
Great stuff.

Could they be better hot?
Probably.
Will I be finding that out any time soon?
Not if I can help it.

So now I've had my weigh-in for this week, and I've dropped 1.2kg - I am determined not to feel let down by this.
I have now lost a total of 11.8kg and can fit nicely into a pair of jeans that would not have even gone near me 6 weeks ago.

See?
Photobucket


I know they're not quite Cotton On jeans - my eventual goal - but let's face it.

I need pants, not a scarf.

Right now, that's about all I'm going to get from Cotton On.

I could buy some of their jeans, but still only be able to wear them as a scarf.


It's hard, coming up with more and more witty things to say each time - so please excuse the lack of LOLs in my recent posts.

I guess there's just nothing funny about being a big fatty-fat pants.
Except that.
That was kind of funny.

Ok - I'm stopping now.

Good night, all - and enjoy your Easter Break!
You can imagine how excited it's got me!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Pork Crackling ...

The heat is on!

"Where's the blog, where's the blog?!"

Ok, ok! I'm updating!

So - what can I say?

Tuesday - I did not much, other than look forward to finding out if I had put on weight... I was sure I had.
Wednesday I went to my weigh-in - this is the photo I forced Stef to take.

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Another WIN just like Charlie Sheen - 2.5kg!

Thursday - I can't remember so it must have been boring ... Oh yeah, last week's dinner date cancelled on me AGAIN and I decided to enjoy my JC dinner and forget about cooking!

I got stood up on Friday - yes, I know, a hottie like me, stood up?
What the hell?

Never mind - Saturday was spent with some of my favourite big and little people and Sunday was same again.
I managed to see a movie and not even feel slightly sad that I couldn't be eating popcorn - an achievement if you ask me!

So now I'm gearing up for a weigh-in tomorrow and after spending some time (minimal!) on the cross-trainer I'm feeling pretty confident I might make the 10kg mark!
This was my goal for my friend Sarah's wedding - to drop 10kg and fit into a nice dress.
And now I think I'm pretty close I'm going to make my goal to have lost 15kg - and strut my stuff in Bondi next month!


I'll let you know how much closer I am tomorrow..


.. I promise!

Monday, April 4, 2011

Friday, to the club, Saturday, to the club ...

After my mini-triumph making dinner, I felt invincible.

That is, until I arrived back in the country city and felt the stinging reminder that a 6.9kg loss does not a supermodel make.

Apparently it's ok to talk about someone like they aren't there and suggest to your friends, "Look at that!" when you're a group of post-pubescent men.

Although it's not unusual when you're roughly the size of a baby killer whale to feel like the elephant in the room, it's not nice to have it so pointedly, well, pointed out.
I think that moment ruined my night to an extent and I couldn't feel the same excitement I had earlier.
I went home early and didn't want to go back the next night when I was invited.
But I did, after spending the day with a good friend who brought me back to reality - I got ready and we went and had a great time.
The fact that I mainly drank tonic water and that I went home early again had nothing to do with the unforgivably rude behaviour of a male who I now think, after some positive reinforcement and diet jelly, is a total twat.
I went home and spent some quality time with another close girlfriend and remembered why I started this journey.
So I could spend more time with people like the wonderful ones I was with over the weekend, and less time worrying about people like that guy.

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Four meat, two fat, three grain, three vegetable... I like to call it dinner

I was horrified.

WHY had I said I would cook?!

I can't cook!
I can barely wake up without setting myself on fire, how would I ever manage to make something edible and still Jenny-riffic?

Ok... breathe.
You can do this.

I summoned my wits (all two of them) and my Success Guide, and picked out 4, 2, 3 and 3.
Sweet potato, grain, check.
Peas, grain, check.
Broccoli, vegetable, check.
Carrot, vegetable, check.
Chicken breast, meat, check.
Fats - oh, I'm sure I'd work something out!

I went to the shop after getting out of work with my mental list and my mind racing.
Would he think I was insane?
Would he wonder why I was making such a terrible meal?
Would he hate it?

Oh, hell.
Too bad.

I was NOT compromising all my hard work for anyone - no way.

I went home and got ready, and waited for my guest to arrive.
I had barely started preparation when he arrived and to my great relief he seemed completely unperturbed by my meal plan.
I had hidden away my Jenny menu (usually kept on the fridge) and anything else I thought would give me away.

Let me just say, I'm not embarrassed - I'm proud that I've taken this step and that I'm having success.
But I didn't think that I wanted to share that with someone I don't know that well.

So I steamed my veges, cooked my chicken in minimal cooking spray, and served them all up in a colourful cascade of orange and green. It was like a delicious edible Irish flag!

I'm happy to say I could not finish the lovely meal I had painstakingly - ok, maybe not that painstakingly - prepared but I enjoyed every bit!
And he seemed to like it too - so I guess that's the main thing.
He didn't die and he's coming back this week - I am a SUCCESS!

Approaching April

So - I have gathered that you all have been waiting intently on my next post.
Apologies - I was busy having a LIFE!
Jokes, guys - of course, I am as committed to the blog as I am to my JC Program - and if you haven't guessed, that's committed!

Since you last heard from me I have had another weigh-in (I know, you've been waiting to hear all about it!) and have to date lost 6.9kgs - a dress size, for those like me who didn't know.
I went to see my lovely Stef last Wednesday - of course, a busy weekend meant that I would have to go in early.
I'd been and seen her only on the Saturday so wasn't really thinking I would have lost anything.
Happily, in the 4 days since I'd last gone to see her I'd dropped another 1.3kg!

I was however starting to stress - I had plans to go out for dinner (with a BOY!) and didn't really want to have that conversation with him just yet.

Stef reminded me that I could still do that - JC isn't about being deprived, or unsocial; it's about making sure you know what you're taking into your body and keeping it in line with the basic outline for any healthy meal.

All I could think was "Four meat, two fat, three grain, three vegetable" during the next day - and then something totally unexpected happened.
We had to change plans.
I had to cook.

Oh God.

What was I going to do?!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

... The drugs don't work, they just make you worse ...

So, I guess by now you've seen that one of the ways I tried to lose weight was by using Duromine.
According to the leaflet (previous post) it works by "directly affecting the area of the brain that controls your appetite making you feel less hungry".

I will say, I felt less hungry at first - by less, I mean that I felt no need to eat sometimes for an entire day. Not healthy.
I also found that as someone who usually had little trouble falling asleep, I was now only able to manage a restless sleep for about 4-5 hours a night.
This was balanced by the fact that the drugs stopped me from feeling tired during the day, so nobody really would have noticed that I was any different in that way.


The first time I took Duromine, I had also started going to the gym so it was a big boost in the weight loss which I had already started working on.
I was unhappy in the job I was working in and this drug made my moods accelerated; as such, I found myself being unusually angry, upset and happy. I was bouncing from dawn til dusk and even though I could see the great effect it was having on my weight, I wasn't my normal self.


I became so short-tempered that people at work started checking what mood I was in with each other before they spoke to me. Ridiculous!


Not only this, when I would go out on the rare occasion that I would get the chance to go out and have some drinks with friends, it cost me a mint only to wake with a mind-numbing hangover. The fact that I didn't feel drunk on these tablets meant that I would drink to a major excess and feel twice as bad the next day! Some would argue that the drug helps you feel less hungover, but I guess everyone's different.
http://www.steadyhealth.com/Affects_of_alcohol_on_duromine_t207224.html


The cost was another prohibitive factor - unless you have private healthcare, you will pay full price (in excess of $120 for the strongest dose).


The following link takes you to some further information about uses etc.
http://www.ehow.com/way_5304912_way-use-duromine.html


Basically, I think it's really important that you understand what you're getting into with Duromine. It's not for everyone.

Like a cat in a bag, waiting to drown ...

http://www.racgp.org.au/cmi/iacdurom.pdf

Above is the information leaflet you receive when you are prescribed Duromine.
My next post is about my personal experiences when taking Duromine - if you've taken this drug before, please feel free to comment for others to get a wide variation of opinions and experiences.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

More of a winner than Charlie Sheen

I may not be drinking tiger blood as part of my new healthy life, but I can tell you right now - I feel great!

After an unexpected night out (driving, of course, because unlike Charlie Sheen I can see the benefits of not being hammered), I went to work and spent the entire time anticipating my appointment with my JC consultant.

I was super excited, feeling that even though I had not been as good as I could have been (a hen's night last weekend saw me channelling Pete Doherty - enough with the Charlie Sheen jokes), I had stuck pretty well to the program.

For example; during this week we had a morning tea for one of our leaving staff - it was a beautiful spread of warm ham and cheese croissants, jammy sweet pastries, chips, dips, chains, whips - no, wait - salsa, cake and crackers.
I can happily admit - and have witnesses - that I did not even consider eating anything from that goodie-laden table.

I didn't feel left out, I didn't feel sad, and I didn't feel like I might need to sneak back later and eat something.
I felt strong, and confident, that I didn't even want anything that I saw in front of me.
It just wasn' t worth eating something and feeling bad about it - and let's be honest, why would I want bad food? I eat so much good food each day I just don't have room for bad stuff!

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I bet you don't think this looks great, right?
I bet you're thinking, "Oh, I see, tiny pre-packed meals with no taste and crappy frozen ingredients - there's no way I would want to eat that!"

Well...
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I guess you might be right - it is frozen and pre-packed. Other than that, it's nothing short of amazing!



So I guess you're all dying to know how I went at my weigh-in?
Let's not pretend you came here to read about my dinner on Wednesday or a morning tea I didn't eat.

You want to know if I made some progress.

Well...

Here's the thing.
I like playing games.

So I'm going to let you guess.

This post is your clue - you tell me how much difference I've made.

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Thursday, March 24, 2011

... Good night, sweetheart!

Ok all - so I know I said I would be blogging tonight about the effects I felt when taking Duromine ... But all this being amazing has got me beat and I'm going to head to the divine comfort of my bed now! So tomorrow I promise I will fill you in and leave you now only with what's on my mind right now.

Jenny Craig Chocolate Mousse is - well, awesome.

So stay tuned, folks - same fat time, same fat channel!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Skinny Hollie

This link will take you to another blog worth checking out - http://www.skinnyhollie.com/
about another girl struggling against her weight.

To eat, perchance to dream...

"Can I ask you a question, April?"
"Sure."

"When you dream ... are you .. thin?"

I couldn't be sure, that day in the school library.
Was that my dream?
To be thin?

And now I can finally answer that question.

No - in my dreams I live the same days I do when awake. Sometimes to the point where I'm tired from working all night (not in a red-light district way) and then having to go and do it for real!

But I never dream I'm thin - because that's not me. I'll never be 'thin' - I don't want to be. I just want to be healthy.

I want to swap clothes with my girlfriends - I want to meet the man of my dreams and not feel like at any minute he might want to 'downsize' - I want to know that when I have kids I'll be able to chase them all night and day and still have the energy to tell Mr Dream Man how much I love him - I want my friends and family to see that the April they have always loved is happier than she has ever been before - I want to make the most of the life I have because I can.

I'm going to do it - and I really hope that when I do, all the people who've supported me know I did it as much for them as I did for me.

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A big fat thank you!

I was thinking a lot today about all the responses I have gotten to this blog.
It's something I thought about doing last week and suddenly it became a massive thing - I had a JK Rowling moment!
I had created it before I'd even sat in front of the computer and it felt like I couldn't hold it in.

I am so happy and proud that everyone who has read it has seen all the wonderful positive things in it - since mid 2010 I have been living a life less ordinary with every day bringing me new joy.

Moving away from the town I grew up in has allowed me to see the beauty in returning home - somebody once said, "You can never go home again," but I don't believe it.
Home is truly where the heart is - and I leave mine each time with the people I love in that little country city.

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Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Drop it like it's hot

This Saturday will be my next consultation; fingers crossed I've lost more. Even if I haven't - I feel better than I have in years and sure that this is the best thing I have ever done.

I wish I knew years ago how much better things could be - but no time for regrets.

All I know is that things can only get better.

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Baby Steps - more like Baby Elephant

I was horrified by the figure I saw on the scale at my first JC consult.

I thanked God I had chosen to come in and make this decision - I had no idea just how bad it had gotten.

I started the program and headed back to see Stef after 5 days.

"3.1," she told me.

Incredulous, I gasped. "Up or down?!"

I was sure that I must have gained weight.

"Down!" she cried.
We both laughed hysterically; we already had a rapport that made me feel comfortable about talking to Stef; she was supportive and friendly, and never made me feel like I was doing anything other than the most normal thing in the world.

I sent the results to a few close friends and my mum, all of them replying with messages of support and congratulations.

I felt so relieved; any doubt I had in my mind was gone and now I knew I would be able to finally save myself - from me.

JC - the Other Saviour

So now - here we are.

After a few months of stopping and starting - buying a cross-trainer, promising myself to eat healthier, giving up fast food and finally realising that none of that worked if I wasn't committed, I got here.

Another friend had started Jenny Craig - and had fantastic success - when I realised it was something I could do too.

If I wanted to see another birthday - I would take my chance.

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I suggested it to my friend Teena and she thought it was a fantastic idea.

She even offered to help me get started by paying for my initial fees.
I made a call while on holiday and arranged to see a consultant at the local centre when I returned.

I told close friends that I was planning to start and everybody had the same reaction - "Wow, Apes, that's fantastic."

Jess was right.
I probably should have realised that.
People cared - they wanted me to be happy and healthy.

I saw my consultant and felt free to be honest about all the reasons I was the way I am.

I thought I'd cry, or be embarrassed, or something - but I just felt relieved.
I was in the hands of experts and I was going to make it work.

The Weight is Almost Over

One night, I went to have dinner and catch up with Jess and her husband (another of my great supporters) Dale.


After a few drinks and the usual chatter, Jess took a serious tone and told me she had something bothering her.
I didn't think for a second that it could be anything to do with me - I worried it was something to do with her health or the kids.

"April - I'm worried about you," she started.
"I know you love my children, and my family loves you dearly, and I want you to be around for a very long time, my love."

I was dumbfounded. What had I done to this woman, my best friend, who had avoided seeing me to stop herself from staying awake at night worrying about my morbid obesity? What a terrible thing for her to worry about.

"I just can't stop thinking about your dad, and your mum, and that you need to do something about your weight," she said, swallowing. "I don't want you to ... die."

This was the wake-up call I needed.
I was shocked to my very core - this woman was worrying that I might be gone soon.
All the people I loved might not see me any more if I drove myself into the ground any more.
She was serious and so relieved that I let her share this fear with me.

I didn't let her see how that made me feel - as always, when talking about my weight I was blasé and didn't let anyone see how easily they could break through my seemingly thick shell to the bleeding heart underneath.

I promised myself I would do something - for myself, but especially for Jessie.

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Big Changes for a Big Girl

I'm almost there - I finally left the country city and made my way to Canberra.

I was continuing my career and feeling like I needed a change; my siblings and I had lost our father and this had different effects for all of us.

Things spiralled for me - a move to a new place, living with housemates again and working in a place that was like my old job x1000.

I looked forward to the changes and hoped that I could leave behind my need to eat and drink my feelings.

Jess encouraged me to use this as a way to make the changes I wanted to; a gentle push towards the health she wanted me to get back.

By this time I had stacked up the kilos almost beyond anything I had been before; I bought new clothes at the special fat girl shops and just thought about how great it would be if I could buy them at Cotton On.

Maybe I should have cottoned on to the fact that my father had died from a stroke, had heart problems, and had only just turned 60.

He ain't heavy - he's my brother

Lots of things happened in the next few years - including meeting my brother and his now wife.
I hadn't had any contact with him or my other brothers since childhood and it was suprising to see how alike I could be to someone.

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I also met my sister and was brought back to reality.
Here, I saw what I would have been if not for the weight I was carrying.

A sobering thought - but still, I didn't make a change.

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Heartbreak made me hungry

By now, you can see that I did manage to lose a bit - I was at my lowest adult weight.
I never got below 100kg but I was close - then I finally felt the crushing blow of my first heartbreak and ate my way back to feeling better.

Didn't quite work.

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Gym, drugs and new clothes

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Time flies when you're eating everything in sight

To save time (yours, I'm sure you're getting tired) I will say only that I did nothing to change my habits for the next 3 years. Then I did something different.

I had moved out of home and after finding a place with a friend decided I was better off on my own.
I moved into a house by myself and came at some point to the realisation that I could lose weight.
Someone had told me about a great drug you could get to help you lose weight FAST and you could eat whatever you wanted.

It worked - for a while - and I spent a great summer feeling the best I had about myself since 1992.

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So many JC's - so little time...

In 2004 I met someone very special - another JC who really started all of this for me.
Jessica, at the time a recently single mother of a beautiful little girl, was the unfortunate victim of my confidence when she moved to my town.
Luckily - for her, and for me - that was the beginning of a friendship that has grown and seen amazing things happen.
A husband, two more beautiful children, and an amazing figure - Jess, not me.
She and I became and remained close friends, withstanding moves to and from the town where we met and many other trials.

I think it's important to me that Jessica get a special mention - she doesn't realise, but she's the only person who ever really made me see how much I needed to lose weight - for me and for the people who love me.

I guess you can blame her for this blog too!

Remember the days - of the old school yard

So now I finished my HSC, with more friendships and confidence than I'd ever had.
We'd learned the art of being honest about who and what we really liked, and been forced to spend time with people we never had before - we left the school behind but took our close bonds with us.

I spent a lot of time with a few close girlfriends, having my 18th birthday with family, and going back to TAFE to continue studying hairdressing.
Of course, I couldn't choose it as a career - asthma + perm solution is not a good combo!

But this mainly facilitated my extreme laziness; while I was studying in 2001 my mum had suffered a stroke and was still getting back her health while I did nothing to help around the house and went out partying night after night.

Drinking made me even more confident and I talked to everyone - making friends and enemies as I sung at Karaoke and felt great about the fact that even though my body wasn't anywhere near the lithe frames of all the other girls I saw around me, I could show off the only thing I felt people admired about me.
I didn't let it bother me but instead spent time eating junk food, drinking and sleeping way too much.

This went on and eventually TAFE finished.
The partying continued, as did the hangover food and the lazy days doing nothing but thinking about what I'd do the next night.

18 years old, 130kg, maybe more, and no closer to realising I could change it.

Take a break - we're getting there

So ... You've made it this far through the back story of my journey up until high school.
I guess by this time you're either ready to hear about what I'm doing now or you want to know a little more about what happened to make me think I should get some help.
Unlucky for the people who want the short version - I don't do short versions.
Skip to the post "JC - The Other Saviour" and you can read more about the progress I've made with Jenny since starting.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Better late than never

So now I was a self-made popularity queen - every day was a great one because I felt like I had talent.

I was arrogant and stopped worrying about my size.

Bah - I will have another skirt made for senior high school.
Come to that - I'll have the shirts made too!
My friend's mother can take a pattern from a shirt my mum has worn and it'll fit great!
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The fact that my shirts were made from plain dyed sheets and with a couple of long poles could have been a pastel yellow camping ground was beside the point.

Ecstasy, thy name is being cool and liked by people who hated you before.

Confessions of a Big Fat Drama Queen

Finally, after whatever the hell happened between 1997-98 (I was too busy eating...?) I realised I was good at something.

I had started Drama as an elective and we were having a school play.
Wasn't I always being called a drama queen?
Now was my chance.
Lucky me, I could also hold a tune and the musical was "Little Shop of Horrors".
I got to mix with the older kids (people a bit more my size) and show off the talent I had.
Modesty being the key, I'll tell you I wasn't the best person in the show.

I was the second best - the other guy was pretty much the coolest, most talented and popular guys in Year 12.

He's married to the girl next to me in this photo.

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So I got to feel a bit like being the big fat one didn't matter.
I still insisted that I had to cover my arms for the show, as I felt these were a particularly bad part of my body.
But I felt - cool.
And a monster was created.

The Wonder Years? Not quite.

Even after the awesome joys of primary school, where I even had my teacher pull me out of class to tell me he was "worried about my weight" and I was teased mercilessly, not much could have prepared me for how I would not fit in at high school.

Literally.

I had to have my school skirt specially made and wear man-sized shirts - my school jumper was faded but loose (because it had probably belonged to a boy from Year 10).

I lied about my weight and acted as though it didn't bother me - I got changed in the toilet for PE because I was modest, not because I was embarrassed.

I didn't do Cross Country.
I didn't do swimming carnivals.
I didn't do PE.
I didn't do athletics.
I didn't do lunchtime play.

I didn't do anything but eat my lunch - my lunch, and any other food that might be offered to me.
It made me feel better to have something to eat while I watched the other girls and boys play and have fun.
I was out of place and unwanted, even by the people I was sure wouldn't desert me. I only managed to retain any place in a group of friends by being loud, overconfident and sometimes funny.

The fat, funny one.

No pointing pudgy fingers!

I have to take a moment to clear something up.

I have never, nor will I ever, blame anyone for my size, my shape, my life or my weight.

I have a mother who has made my life one filled with love and laughter - our home is somewhere I always feel safe and loved.
As I got older, I learned how to manipulate her into making excuses for my lack of physical activity - I had asthma, and I just couldn't do anything without exacerbating the symptoms.
I suppose that was true, too - but mostly I was just a lazy, unfit little girl who was happy to get out of doing anything if Mummy was going to let me.

Our bad food habits are a burden passed on by the mentality of our ancestors; living on the land or working a seasonal job that meant food was scarce at times and so the most was made of each meal.

Now that we know that this isn't an issue, we have to take it upon ourselves to break these habits.

So Mum - if you're reading this, don't worry.
It's my fault I'm fat.
I can only blame you for the fabulous.

Weight a minute...

A severe asthma attack at 8 had me swallowing more steroids than a dodgy Mr Universe contestant, and when I got out of hospital on my mother's birthday we had a lovely celebration. It had everything we needed - a big, beautiful cake. And me? I was lucky. I had been in hospital - I got two pieces.

All of a sudden - so it seemed - I went from being a happy kid who loved her food to a girl who had to wear clothes that were too big for Justine, my 15-year-old next-door neighbour.

I can remember being in the school yard after that and having a girl who was a few years older than me ask, "How much do you weigh?"
I didn't want to answer.
I knew - I got weighed each time I went to the paediatrician for my now life-dominating asthma.
"You must weigh about 80 kilos," she continued.
I froze and my mouth went dry. 81kg, in fact, at the age of 9.
"No," I siad, "I only weigh, um, about 40?"

9 years old, and lying about my weight.
Something was seriously wrong.

All Smiles - Call it a "Low Fat Cheesy Grin".

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Never without a smile.

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I didn't know I wasn't going to be this happy forever.
Forever's a long time when you're 4ft tall.

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Chapter 2: Filling the Gaps

Shall we start with a little history?

http://www.jennycraig.com.au/about-us/

Now about me!

I grew up in a country city - you know, a country town masquerading as a city due purely to population and industry.


I started out like this.
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And then this..
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Who would have known this little girl would end up the way she did?
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With a beautiful mother determined to make my childhood all it could be, and a family who thought of eating as an activity and not a necessity - probably should have seen it coming.

And God said, "Let there be food".

So... How to start?
I guess I should explain myself - My name's April and I've decided to start a blog about my extremely long journey from fat to fabulous.
Actually; I'm already fabulous.
Let's say - from fat to fit.

I've just started with one of the most renowned weight management programs known to man - Jenny Craig.

So Jenny - here goes. You're my last chance.